Just For Fun20 July 20263 min read
Noble Names For A Common House Cat
Because "Biscuit" is charming, but "Sir Biscuit of the Windowsill" is a legacy.
Every cat has two names: the one you call across the kitchen, and the one that belongs beneath an oil portrait in a gilded frame. Here is how to construct the second.
The formula
Title, given name, "of", and a territory he actually rules. The territory should be honest. He does not rule the garden; he rules the third stair.
- Lord Pemberton of the Warm Laundry
- Duchess Marmalade of the Sunlit Rug
- Baron Domino, Keeper of the Empty Box
- Countess Pickles of the Forbidden Countertop
- Admiral Tuna, Terror of the Bathtub
Titles and what they imply
- Lord or Lady: dignified, sits beautifully, rarely knocks anything over.
- Baron or Baroness: acquisitive. Steals hair ties and denies everything.
- Duke or Duchess: loud, opinionated, and always first to the food bowl.
- Admiral: an unusual and frankly suspicious relationship with water.
Choose well. Once a cat has a title, you will find yourself using it in full, out loud, in front of guests. There is no coming back from that, and there is no reason to want to.